6 Tips For A Respectful And Loving Intervention With A Friend

Love sometimes means having difficult conversations. Perhaps nothing is as challenging as interventions.

However, you shouldn’t let someone you care about follow the dangerous path of addiction or eating disorders. I recently had an intervention with someone I loved and learned a lot.

Here are six tips for a respectful and loving intervention with a friend.

1. Recognize the signals that intervention is necessary

One of the most difficult steps in any intervention is recognizing when one is needed. Things may be trickier than ever right now, given the extraordinary stress the pandemic has caused. But intervening may be the kindest thing to do. More than 13% of Americans have reported this turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with their emotions during this time, and overdoses increased by 18%.

However, it is not always easy to see when someone is having a hard time. Those who abuse substances often hide their use out of shame or fear. Look for the following signs and prepare to take action:

Secretive or aggressive behavior: Your previously open roommate installs a lock on her bedroom door and yells at you when she discovers you in her room when she leaves the door open.
Borrow or steal money: Many people today have legitimate reasons for asking for help, such as job loss and a lack of child care options. Pay attention to the explanation given and consider declining if the questioner avoids your question.
Work or school problems: These can have several causes, such as the enormous burden on healthcare professionals at this time. However, keep in mind that such individuals also have access to medications that most people cannot obtain. Listen to their explanation.
Deteriorating physical appearance: Excessive drug and alcohol use can cause people to skip daily care.
Depression, fatigue and lack of energy: These symptoms may have a rational explanation, such as working more hours or losing a home during the pandemic. Be careful though.
Physical health symptoms or eating disorders: Many people who abuse alcohol and drugs experience health problems. They may also skip meals to get a “high” faster when using it.

When my BFF started shedding pounds quickly despite her already thin frame, I knew it was time to take action. I started making phone calls.

2. Rally the troops

Once you have determined that you need to undertake a loving and respectful intervention, the next step is to decide who you want to involve. In general, it is respectful to involve other close friends or family members who care about the person. Put aside individual personality differences to help.

The only exception is those who knowingly encourage alcohol or drug use – which is not the case same as switching on. Add people who want the person to stop using, but who can provide shelter or food out of love.

3. Talk to the experts

Emotions run high during interventions. Even if you and your friends and family all want the best, you can be blinded by your affection and say or do things that endanger them in seeking treatment.

If possible, invite a licensed, neutral outside therapist or counselor to attend. They can keep the conversation on trackcalm flaring tempers and even impose a timeout if things get too heated. If you don’t know who to call, talk to friends or even your insurance company for a referral and interview them first to assess their ability to perform the intervention.

4. Make an action plan

What do you hope will happen with your intervention? Many families want the individual to undergo intensive inpatient treatment. However, you may not have access to such a solution if you have limited resources.

Some jurisdictions have state-funded facilities, but the application and screening process eliminates many potential patients. If you choose this route, you must obtain prior approval before undertaking your intervention.

Other options include sliding scale facilities that allow you to pay based on your income. You may also qualify for grants and scholarships for treatment assistance. You may have few options other than borrowing from friends and family or starting a GoFundMe. Make sure you raise the necessary money first if you choose the latter.

Fortunately, the person I love now has health insurance, but it wasn’t always that way. I think that was the deciding factor that led her to start treatment for her eating disorder. It is tragic in a country as prosperous as ours, but not everyone has the resources to seek the care they desperately need.

5. Rehearsal

The intensity of an intervention stirs up emotions and can cause you to say things that are not helpful in the heat of the moment. Practicing what you intend to stay can help you stay respectful, supportive, and loving.

Practice using “I” statements when letting the person know how you feel. Instead of saying, “Your drinking is ruining family gatherings,” you might say, “I’m concerned about how your drinking is affecting your behavior around certain family members.” Remember that blaming and judging only leads to… other person on the defensivedo not encourage them to seek treatment.

6. Be supportive

An intervention is just the first step the recovery process. It’s a long road and your friend needs your help every step of the way.

So, explore how you can be a good member of their support team during this journey. Practice active listening skills for when they need to talk. Let them know you’re available for tearful phone calls at 3am.

Also during this time, keep your boundaries in mind and decide what you will and will not accept. For example, you may understand that there will be occasional relapses, but you may draw the line at stealing your money or living with you for free if they return to their old habits after treatment.

I will continue to support my BFF. I know not to suggest things that might trigger her, like going out for fast food for example. I ask her input on meals when I host parties and let her contribute so she always has something she feels safe with.