When you hear the word dissociation, it may make you think of disconnection or trauma. Yet dissociation is not always negative. It is an essential part of a healthy, adaptive mind. It allows us to move fluidly into the many roles we play in life – whether as a professional, partner or friend – without becoming overwhelmed by conflicting thoughts or emotions.
When dissociation is in balance, it allows us to navigate the complexities of life with ease. However, if it tips too far in either direction (becomes excessive or insufficient), it can lead to problems. Too much dissociation can lead to feelings of fragmentation, as evidenced by conditions such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) or complex PTSD. Too little dissociation, on the other hand, can lead to rigidity, making it difficult to adapt to new situations or embrace different perspectives.
A tool to navigate the demands of life
Dissociation is not just a defense mechanism; it is a tool to navigate the demands of life. By understanding it, we can appreciate its role in promoting resilience and maintaining balance within ourselves.
Dissociation, at its core, is the mind’s way of compartmentalizing experiences. It kicks in when an emotion, thought, or memory feels too overwhelming to process in the moment. For example, a parent can temporarily put aside panic to comfort a child in need, or a surgeon can stay focused in the operating room and put aside fear until later.
This healthy dissociation allows us to function under stress, allowing us to focus on immediate tasks while delaying emotional processing.
However, dissociation is not just about survival. It also allows us to navigate everyday life by switching between what psychoanalyst Philip Bromberg calls self-states. These are different aspects of our personality that emerge in different contexts, for example the caring friend, the assertive leader or the playful brother or sister. Healthy dissociation orchestrates these self-states and keeps them in harmony.
Healthy dissociation: flexibility in action
Think of dissociation as a mental conduit that ensures that the right self-state is central at the right time. Imagine how challenging life would be if feelings of self-doubt crept in during a high-stakes presentation, or if deep sadness surfaced during a celebratory dinner. Dissociation creates a boundary that allows us to function effectively in various roles while maintaining our core sense of ourselves.
This balance is crucial. When dissociation works effectively, we can transition seamlessly between roles, integrate complex emotions over time, and maintain a coherent identity.
Too little dissociation: the challenge of rigidity
Without sufficient dissociation, people can become stuck in a single self-state, struggling to adapt to changing circumstances. This can manifest as:
• Thinking stiffly: Difficulty letting go of routines or adapting to ambiguity.
• Emotional overwhelm: Feeling paralyzed by conflicting emotions.
• Perfectionism: A need for control that becomes exhausting.
Imagine someone who brings the same level of intensity to every interaction, whether at work or at home. This rigidity can make relationships and personal growth feel stifling.
Too much dissociation: the risk of fragmentation
Excessive dissociation, on the other hand, can leave individuals feeling disconnected or fragmented. For people with BPD, this may include the following:
• A feeling of “numbness” during stress.
• A changing identity, where you feel like a different person from one moment to the next.
• Memory gaps or ‘missing time’.
In complex PTSD, dissociation can take the form of flashbacks, emotional numbing, or difficulty integrating traumatic memories into the present. While dissociation initially protects against overwhelming pain, over time it can disrupt emotional connection and self-awareness.
Finding Balance: The Goldilocks Zone of Dissociation
Healthy dissociation lies in what you might call the Goldilocks zone – not too much and not too little. Here dissociation allows us to:
• Fluently adapt to different roles and situations.
• Protect us from emotional overload while staying connected to our feelings.
• Gradually integrate difficult emotions or experiences into a coherent sense of self.
This balance often begins in childhood, through secure relationships with caregivers. Supportive caregivers help children name and navigate emotions, laying the foundation for a flexible, healthy state of self. Conversely, early trauma or neglect can disrupt this process, leading to dissociation problems later in life.
Embrace complexity
Dissociation is a testament to the complexity and adaptability of the mind. It allows us to navigate life’s demands, maintain balance, and ultimately grow. By understanding dissociation, we can approach ourselves and others with more compassion, realizing that even the most maladaptive defense mechanisms stem from a desire to survive.
With support it is possible to reconnect with your full self, restore inner balance and embrace the richness of your inner world.
This exploration of dissociation is inspired by the work of Philip Bromberg, Allan Schore and others who highlight the interplay between identity, trauma and resilience.
