Earlier in my career I had the work personality and the home personality. Even a DISC assessment revealed this duality. My natural state is one who pushes things forward and uses encouragement or influence to solidify support. My adaptability is someone who follows the rules, follows the rules and is a boring business suit.
I discovered over the years that my ability to adapt was a proactive way for me to play smaller so that my bosses could feel less threatened by someone who naturally becomes influential in the organization.
Eventually, however, my natural state arises and that’s when the conflict with the command-and-control bosses begins. At least that’s what I told myself at the time based on the level of self-awareness.
Later I realized the role relationships can play in everything we do in life.
Some work environments really suck, and there are some terrible bosses. The question is: why would anyone manifest such a work environment in the first place? Why do we stay in such an environment?
I don’t miss working in those environments. By the way, that’s why I became a co-founder of RadicalPurpose.org is because I’m pretty sure most of you reading this don’t like control, nor do you like being dominated, or marginalized.
It’s easy to point the finger and say that the system is set up to be command and control, and that we are essentially all forced to comply, but the reason such systems like patriarchy or matriarchy ( both command and control paradigms) exist is because we allow it. We not only allow it, but create it in our state of consciousness.
Integrate or suffer
Most people do not integrate their work with their lives, with the result that many despise their work, cannot wait for the weekend and dread the arrival of Monday.
Because of this lack of integration, many people today derive their sense of self-worth, self-worth, and identity from what they do in their free time versus what they do in their careers while producing values.
This sad and unfortunate limitation breeds dishonesty, and in some cases the duality is so bad that it causes people to turn to escapes like alcohol, drug use, and other addictions that ultimately cause neurosis.
When people turn to external sources such as alcohol, drugs, happy hour, parties, spectator sports and hobbies to get short “one-shot” bursts of self-esteem, self-esteem, fun and happiness, it creates a void within. our state of being.
I have nothing against having a good time, if there is no need to escape.
If you escape, you only get a temporary boost, and you’ll be worse off than when you started.
Anything with the right awareness and self-awareness can have amazing merits, but one-off explosions are not integrated and thus do not last long. Escapes do not contribute to one’s long-term net happiness – someone’s lucky bank account.
Yet, in order to feel ‘good’ or ‘happy’, people are driven to constantly look for one-off explosions. This usually leads to a life of wasted unnecessary activities and dishonesty.
How much genuine pride and self-esteem can you earn from being the best sports fan in the world? Or by being the best television viewer? Or by being the best drinker? Or be super popular on Instagram and have a lot of followers.
You just have to push these activities to peak performance to see their fair value. It then becomes clear, for example, that being the best at watching television, or being the best sports fan, or being the best drinker, is of little or no value to long-term self-development.
However, being the best in your career will lead to great values for yourself and society. All true happiness can be obtained through the creation of values, as discussed in a previous blog, and by being your authentic self.
When we begin to integrate who we are into everything we do, we begin to grow in self-confidence, in self-esteem, and we begin to live fully self-consciously.
Self-awareness is key
The sad thing about the command-and-control paradigm we’ve been living with for thousands of years is that it makes people think they are victims. If you’re not in charge, you’re not responsible, right?
Wrong.
This is the biggest problem if we want the command-and-control paradigm to continue. The problem is that self-awareness is not promoted. Without self-awareness one cannot achieve fulfillment. This makes people turn to one shot of happiness.
From a societal perspective, we become more focused on pointing out what is wrong with others, rather than identifying our own growth opportunities. We get energy from blaming people, from anger… it’s an amazing energy. The problem is, like the one-off explosions we discussed, the energy is not permanent. It is not sustainable.
If we want to achieve a lasting sense of fulfillment, we must take 100% full responsibility for ourselves and begin to become authentic in all our relationships.
The person in the mirror
Instead of thinking about our lives in boxes, my work life, my family life, my leisure life, my secret life. What if we simply focused on our relationships?
When you start focusing on relationships, you start with yourself. You can start by asking yourself:
Who am I? What do I stand for? What do I believe? What is my truth? Do I love myself? Do I have gratitude for my life? Do I believe in myself? Do I respect myself? Do I appreciate who I am? Am I fulfilled? Do I accept myself as I am?
The answers will reveal to you your most important relationship. The relationship with yourself. Then we can interact with others in a more sincere and authentic way.
If you don’t love yourself so much, you can’t love others. If you don’t have gratitude for your life, you won’t respect the lives of others. If you don’t accept yourself as imperfect, you can’t extend the same courtesy to others.
Any disconnect we have with the relationship we have with ourselves will cause a disconnect with the relationship we have with others.
For years I thought my separation from work, home life, family life, spiritual life, etc. was justified. The DISC assessment affirmed my desire to belong so I could survive. That was not fully present, my friends.
Ultimately, I had to realize how important it is to have a better relationship with myself, and how that would extend to all those areas of my life that simply became my complete life.
Nowadays I have the pleasure of not having to separate anything. I work extra Almost soft (now Encora), where being yourself is encouraged. I can just be completely myself all the time.
The more we work and focus on relationships, the less power we will give external commands and controls. Start with the person in the mirror.
Many people regularly say that they love themselves. There is a way to validate whether you are being honest with yourself or not.
How often do other people’s actions upset you? Do you find yourself blaming other people for who they are? Do you find yourself getting angry at situations or people in your life?
If you find yourself blaming, cursing, angry, disgusted, or uncomfortable with things and people outside of yourself, chances are you are still judging and harboring feelings about the most important relationship in your life. The person in the mirror. You.
Maybe it’s time to forgive yourself? The world will be a better place if we all start by simply giving ourselves a break for being human. How about we give each other a break and practice more self-awareness?
Originally published on tulliosiragusa.com.
Tullio Siragusa is a pioneer in disruptive technologies, an emotional intelligence (EQ) thought leader, futurist, speaker, author and coach. Over the past 32 years, Tullio has built world-class leadership teams in technology companies and startups. Tullio currently serves as Chief Strategy Officer at Nearsoft (now Encora) where he co-produces and hosts dojo.live a platform that gives a voice to emerging technology stars. As an advisory board member of the University of California, Riverside, Design Thinking Executive Programhe advises on promoting a people-oriented approach to innovation. He is also a host Rant & growthan entertaining and heart-centered reality podcast where each episode explores people’s personal blocks and how they can powerfully move forward with careers, relationships, and self-realization by developing healthy habits. As a founding member of Radical goalTullio is a strong believer in human dignity in all aspects of life, including freedom in the workplace.
Image courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio.
